Alright, so check this out. Here’s the deal, folks need to know what they’re getting into and how much of a load of nonsense the listing agent might be spewing. I’m tired of showing up to a property and the listing agent is clueless about the place. I mean, seriously, how do you not know about the roof, septic system, potential flooding, property boundaries, HVAC system, water heater, or what’s included with the property? It’s 2015, for crying out loud, we had to figure out the HVAC system ourselves. And don’t even get me started on the beeswax situation in the barn, like, what’s up with that?
The other day, we checked out a house that was advertised as “fully renovated and remodeled”. Let me tell you, whoever wrote that description must be on some serious medication because the reality was a far cry from that. The front and back porch were practically falling apart from wood rot, the bathroom looked like it was stuck in a time warp, and the foundation had chunks missing with the house sinking in places. And get this, the washer was in the kitchen, the dryer in the hallway, and the air handler had been turned into a makeshift pantry. How are you supposed to breathe fresh air when your air handler is surrounded by beans and behind a closed door?
And let’s not forget the mysterious beeswax boiler taking up a quarter of the barn. I did some detective work and discovered it was just a giant beeswax contraption, totally non-operational but filled to the brim with beeswax. If you’re into that stuff, I’ve got the address for you, complete with a sheep farm and a ton of beeswax on standby.
The listing claimed the property was “VA eligible”, but let me tell you, even with a Disney Fairy waving a wand and Christina Aguilera rubbing a Genie lamp simultaneously, that house wouldn’t pass muster. The kitchen and living room had some updates, but the owners were looking to move to Alaska in 30 days while leaving behind two semi trucks, 60 sheep, 8 dogs, and a whole bunch of farm equipment scattered around the place. Good luck getting that cleaned up before closing, right?
So, here’s the real deal. That listing should have just said, “Buyer beware – sold as-is, needs work, nice kitchen, big barn, and a beeswax lover’s